The Bottom Three are Brett Favre, Ali Larter and Stories about Swine Flu
Brett Favre, Ali Larter and Swine Flu all have the same effect on me recently. Every time they come on my television screen they ruin whatever show I am watching. I have committed myself to watching Heroes even though it has not been that good since season one. I knew from the start that the swine flu, although somewhat troublesome, was most likely overblown by the media. Brett Favre of course is trying to finally kill what little good will Packer’s fans still had for him by possibly returning to play with their hated rival the Minnesota Vikings. Unfortunately like with Heroes I am going to continue to watch football regardless of whether they keep letting Brett Favre back in or not. I am going to steal a feature from a show I do not like that is not likely to go away anytime soon either. My bottom three for this post are Favre, Larter and swine flu. America will decide who goes home.
I have mentioned before how I was glad that Heroes killed off Ali Larter as she was consistently the worst character on the show year after year. They even changed her character and still she was the worst character on the show. She is pretty, but somehow not that sexy. Case in point she is in a movie in theaters right now called Obsession that is basically a PG-13 version of Fatal Attraction with the twist being it is a black couple with a white woman obsessed with the husband. I wonder who was the genius who decided to make that movie. Yeah it is called Obsession and it is basically the same thing as Fatal Attraction except it has no sex because we want to be able to sell tickets to thirteen year olds. The only positive I can say for Larter is that she is certainly more attractive than Glen Close, but that is not really saying much. Oh yeah by the way they are bringing her back on Heroes next year except instead of her power being having a split personality or freezing people she will now drown them. Seriously I did not make that up. Also the makers of Obsession have announced their new movie Debbie Flirts with Dallas but Ultimately decides to Remain Chaste, it is also PG-13.
Enough about Swine Flu already. I know the media was excited to think we may have a global pandemic on our hands, but I am sorry to say it has not happened yet and it does not appear likely to happen. Sure there were some deaths from swine flu, mainly in Mexico, but for the most part this story was the most overhyped new phenomenon from Mexico since the Chalupa. Anyone who has ever eaten at Taco Bell can tell you the Gordita is far superior to the Chalupa. Sure the Chalupa grabbed all the headlines, but the Gordita is still going strong with little fanfare. As many have noted the regular flu is old school and still kills more people than the swine flu. The media can always hope that someday small pox or the plague will become a force again or at the very least that the McRib will come back.
Brett Favre you are also in the final three. You have been whining and moaning for what seems like the past fifty years or so about whether you were going to retire or not. It was an annual tradition that you and Roger Clemens would fight to see whose possible retirement would get more headlines and more air time on ESPN. The Clemen’s retirement story took a strange turn when Brian McNamee revealed Clemens had been doing steroids. I’m not saying I want it to come out that Favre did steroids, but maybe someone could leak a story saying Favre has swine flu and needs to be quarantined until the end of the NFL season. It was one thing when Favre was still good to make such a fuss about whether he was going to retire or not, but he was terrible last year and ESPN still treats his possible “comeback” as a huge story even though it is about as exciting as whether Pedro Martinez is coming back. Really it is about the same. Both were amazing in their prime, but have lost it. Somehow Pedro did not get any of that hype that Favre and Clemens got even though he was better than either in his prime.
Sportscenter has basically turned into Entertainment Tonight these days. Will Favre retire? Is Tony Romo dating Jessica Simpson? Where did Tom and Giselle go on their honeymoon? These stories could be on both shows and it would surprise no one anymore. John Madden retired this year. Do you think it was a coincidence? No one loved Brett Favre more than Madden and even he thought Favre was retiring. I half expected to watch the deleted scenes of There’s Something About Mary and see John Madden show up and go crazy when he saw Cameron Diaz and Brett together. It could have been him walking away crying instead of Ben Stiller and it would not have surprised me.
America has voted and Brett Favre is going home. Ladies and gentleman here is Brett Favre once again singing All By Myself.
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